two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
