Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
false alarm, still single
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
