What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
