stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
