I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
