Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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