I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
