your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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