its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
