Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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