wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
