This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
