I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
