This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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