I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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