I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're like the curious george of whores
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
