I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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