Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
