Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
