So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
