Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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