I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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