I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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