between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
