some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
