Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
