I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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