Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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