Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
