He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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