can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
