were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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