i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
