i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
