Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want a musical about memes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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