Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lost the right to judge tonight
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
