So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
