while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
