i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
