no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
