okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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