I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
