This is not my ceiling
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
