The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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