I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
