party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
