If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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