The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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