i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
