like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
