you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Less talking, more tequila
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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