She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
